It's the wee hours of the morning and I cannot sleep. The culprit is not my large, uncomfortable belly or the "heat wave" that seems to strike my pregnant self in the middle of the night. Nope...it is an
insane cricket that is keeping me awake. From what I can tell, he is right below our bedroom window. This is not a normal cricket! This is a cricket predator, out to destroy the peaceful dreams of unsuspecting victims. There is no cute "chirping" involved...these are full blown 2 minute consecutive SCREECHING sessions. How long can this go on?! It's sad when the extremely close, extremely loud, honking train coming by is actually a temporary relief from his antics. He has
not stopped for 2 hours.....I want to murder him. I know that I am about to be a mom of two precious newborn babies so I should probably be feeling lovey and maternal about all living things but I am fantasizing about ripping off his little legs and crushing his head! This has got to be some mutant cricket because it seems like he is getting even louder! What can I do? Maybe I will get a hotel room tomorrow night? I could get some peaceful sleep.....what if the cricket follows me there???? Wow, this cricket is getting in my head. I have got to do something! So I get up to devise a plan...I need a new plan because my previous tactics for getting rid of the cricket noise are not working:
5 INEFFECTIVE WAYS TO STOP CRICKET NOISE:
1. Toss and turn and huff and puff while nudging your husband in hopes that he will wake up and suffer too.
2. Cover your head with all of the extra pillows in the bedroom.
3. Pray that the cricket will spontaneously combust.
4. Think of noises that would be worse.
5. Blog about it.
So I get up and google, "How to get rid of a noisy cricket". There are actually several sites devoted to this. I am not alone in this misery! All of them have great suggestions: cricket traps, boric acid, cutting the grass, etc. but none of these are things that I can do now, and none of them mention my next plan- going outside in my husband's shoes and nightgown (my nightgown, not his) and stomping wildly and frantically in the grass in hopes of killing it. Sure I will look insane, and come back covered in dew, dirt, and grass clippings, but at this point anything is better than this cricket torture. So, I am just about to head outside when something unexpected happens: my husband flies past me in a rage and goes outside banging and stomping the area right underneath our window. Okay, now he looks insane.....BUT...have I gone deaf??? No.... it worked! The cricket has stopped!! What a relief! We climb back into bed to snag the few extra minutes of sleep left in the night. I snuggle in ready to catch up on my z's when...low and behold....yep.....the sun rises and it's time to start the day! Good Morning Friday!